Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
