I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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