oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
