Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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