what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
