my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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