i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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