yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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