Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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