He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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