So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
