ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
