from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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