My room smells like vodka and shame
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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