k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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