i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
