ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
