He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
