remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
