I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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