Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
