i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
