dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
