oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
