Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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