Non-Jews are for practice
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
