First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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