you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
