I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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