READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was confusing and full of hummus
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
