She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
