How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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