Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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