did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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