Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
