The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
