we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
