We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
