im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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