no, he came in my armpit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
