I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
