im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
