And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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