If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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