I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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