A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
