Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
