she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
