im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
