i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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