I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
