i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
