ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
