Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
