Need sex. Gaining weight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
