What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
