I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
