i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
