I am puke
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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