last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
