Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
