My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
