I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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