I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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