If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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