dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
