There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
