I skipped work to stalk him.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
