My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
