I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
