Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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