my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
