It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
