I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
even my farts smell like vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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