Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
